Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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