And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
