Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
