So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
