Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
