you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
birth control should be required to get into college
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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