He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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