How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
