i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
