so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
