i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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