I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
