Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
