My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
