it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
