It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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