I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
