I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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