Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
