I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
