True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
