Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
