Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
