Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
