They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
