I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
