my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
