Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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