I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
