Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
