YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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