Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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