is your mom at the bar?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
