Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
