Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
