My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
