hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
