So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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