You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
pop tarts are not kleenex
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
