Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
