the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
