I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
