I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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