I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
