Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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