Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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