3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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