i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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