Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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