"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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