I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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