I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
