If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
