We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
